Thursday, January 20, 2011

Confessions of a Control Enthusiast

This post is going to get personal. Just so you know. Not in a weird, icky, tabloid way; I'm just going to discuss some stuff that's going on in my life and some of my own inner struggles. It's not going to be one of my happy, perky crafting posts.

I am a control enthusiast. I borrow that term from Joss Whedon, who used it to describe himself in the commentary on some episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I forget which one. I loved that term, because I feel like it describes me better than the more usual "control freak." I am enthusiastic about controlling things. I like to have plans, I like to know what's going to happen when, and I often have a real difficulty dealing with having my plans changed. It's something I struggle with a lot lately, since babies and three-year-olds rarely adhere to any kind of coherent schedule and don't generally consult me about what I think their itinerary should be today.

Well, today, a bunch of stuff in my life totally derailed. I don't know if I've mentioned it here, but we're moving to Virginia because my hubby's being transferred to a new position in DC. This is really exciting for us, and we've already gone there and found a new apartment. We were told that our travel-down-there date would be January 27th, and then Larry would have the 28th off to help unpack, and he'd be able to start work the 31st.

And now those plans have all fallen through. The moving company won't get here to pack up our stuff until the 28th and, according to them, it could be several days -- up to two weeks! -- before they deliver our goods. I don't know what kind of Mickey Mouse moving company this is, but frankly, I think something is rotten in the state of Connecticut. This is but the latest in a long series of screw-ups, mistakes, and fall-throughs involved in this transfer. Everything seems to have gone awry that could possibly do so, from lost paperwork to bank snafus to illnesses.

And I realized tonight that maybe this is a message from God for me. A reminder that I can't control much of anything. I can call myself a control enthusiast, I can make plans all I want to, but in the end, God "works all things after the counsel of his own will." (Ephesians 1:11b) The truth is, I need to stop trying to control my life, my children, and the US Department of State, because that's not my job. It's God's job. I need to quash my hubris, quell my pride, and stop trying to do his job for him. Because, clearly, I'm no good at it at all.

So, with much prayer for strength, I am going to try not to make any more plans about this move. I am going to just deal with each day as it comes and trust that "all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28) We will get moved to Virginia, our worldly goods will be delivered to our new home, and in another month we'll be smiling as we realize everything worked out after all.


  1. You are so right, now if we can just learn that this is the real way that things are. We shouldn't think that we can take on all these other challenges that are out of our 'control'.

  2. Well, you came by your need for control very honestly. I have it, too. In fact, I probably taught it to you. Sorry! I am so proud of your very "adult" attitude. Looking back, now that you have arrived in VA, I know that you already see some reasons why the Lord delayed your travels, weather being one of them. And you'll probably see others soon.


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